IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays most people spend less time in their homes. What are the causes of it? What are the effects on society and individuals?

In recent
times
Punctuation problem
times,
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 many folks often do not spend enough
moment
Check wording
time
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 with their families.
This
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 is normally caused by working extended job hours in the
office
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. As
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as a result
Linking Words
, the folks are usually overstressed with very poor work-life balance
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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 can
a
Correct article usage
apply
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have a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public health since we currently have many
ill-health
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health issues
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 associated with stress.
One
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 of the vital problems of limited leisure time is working late into the night. Because a lot of people have a strict deadline to meet and work tooth and nail to deliver
this
Linking Words
 expected result at all
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, we barely knew my father because he was always staying in the
office
Use synonyms
 late into the night in an attempt to cover his daily
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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. Clearly, extended
office
Use synonyms
 hours usually rob family
off
Change preposition
of
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 time to spend with their loved ones.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the major causes of spending less quality
moment
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time
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 with
one
Use synonyms
's family.
One
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 of the major effects on the individual is excessive stress
which
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, which
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 oftentimes results in very poor lifestyle habits
which
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, which
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 often lead to some
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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 high blood pressure
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as
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, as
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 well as being overweight.
For example
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, I currently work in an eatery and most times
overstressed
Verb problem
am overstressed
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 has
lead
Replace the word
led
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 to being overweight
due to
Linking Words
 eating a lot of convenient meals. Evidently,
this
Linking Words
, in turn, puts huge strain
the
Change preposition
on the
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 health sector as I currently see a dietician, finances that could have been channelled to more pressing social needs.
Thus
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,
this
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 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the effects
this
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 will have on both
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
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 and society. In conclusion, a lot of folks spend less time at home because they do extended job hours at the
office
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 often result in poor habits and sickness
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 tend to put pressure on the public health sector.

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language
Use clear and short sentences. Fix errors like 'a have a negative impact' and 'ill-health'.
organization
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like because, also, so, and, for example, as a result.
task response
In the body, give one or two facts or details for each point.
task response
Finish with a short conclusion that restates the main idea.
structure
There is a clear plan: introduction, two body ideas, and a conclusion.
content
The writer gives real life examples to show the point.
content
The topic is about time at home and health links.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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