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Band 4

Public celerbrations (such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. There are often quite expensive and some people say that government should spend money on more useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

#celerbrations #festivals #countries #people #government #money
Celebrating festivals is the most popular
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
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around the whole world.
In dissimilar
Change preposition
Dissimilar
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 societies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been praised
their
Change preposition
for their
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 pleasurable moments in non-identical ways. Celebration is a
combine
Replace the word
combined
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consequence of admiring, memorizing, and happiness with traditions, cultures and new trends, those
occasion
Change the determiner
occasions
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 are just going on annually and not overspending the amount of money.
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
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, many people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that it is not worth
to
Change preposition
apply
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wasteful nation expenditures for these events.
In
Correct your spelling
An
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individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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, I wholeheartedly concur
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the first view and going to analyse
this
 problem in
this
 paper. The first conspicuous thing is that the number of holidays
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not only a minimal segment over 365 days
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
having
Wrong verb form
has
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 a minimum impact on national budgets, which is not noticeable to mention as a lavish lifestyle as many people thought
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Such
 as the national tourism festival
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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 going to be held in Vietnam in 2020 is no longer just a social
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
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 and cultural. That will be a golden chance to
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
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and
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
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 the national tourism industry
with
Change preposition
on
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 an international scale that will be a real bargain contributing to the national economics
as well as
 it is high time that the bilateral and multilateral relationship
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other countries came back
Add the particle
to tighten
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tighten
Wrong verb form
tightened
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 and cordial. Another discernible thing is that the cultural values are significant and obvious
that
Correct word choice
and
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 should be maintained to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 and
exchanging
Wrong verb form
exchange
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural identities, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only make sense
of
Change preposition
in
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 preserving the diversity of
original
Correct article usage
the original
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 root
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but the inherit and develop
tremendously
Rephrase
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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national self-respect in every single. A typical example, only when establishing an occasion of recreation
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 people strengthen community spirit, which
also
building-up
Verb problem
builds up
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 moral and humane values together
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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nation
Add an article
the nation
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 in general and ethnic in separate
are
Verb problem
apply
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gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
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 more sympathy and
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
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 to social civilization. In conclusion, it is undeniable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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organizing public events
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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playing a pivotal
roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
role
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 in enhancing national manifestation on the global and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 back overwhelming profit to national economics
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 deficit spending national budget.
Submitted by Tạ Minh Hiếu on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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