IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
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Nowadays, the pace of everyone’s life is getting faster.
As a result
Linking Words
, many adults find it difficult to take good care of their parents
due to
Linking Words
 lack of time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will intend to deliberate not only
problems
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 solutions in subsequent paragraphs. To open the deliberation, the first tenable aetiology is the negligence of high-quality help to the senior citizens. As in most nuclear families,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adults are working
therefore
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, they do not have spare time to pay full attention and
Add a missing verb
be presence
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presence
Replace the word
present
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 at home when their parents need
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 most
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 during their old age days.
For Instance
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, after
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 age elders become
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on their children even for basic needs
such
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 as food, medicines and travelling whether to meet relatives or doctors
regular
Change preposition
for regular
show examples
 visits. When they do not get these basic necessities on that movement when they want it. It
gives
Verb problem
has
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 negative impacts on their brains as they
started
Wrong verb form
start
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 feeling like a burden on their families
Consequently
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, seniors have become socially isolated and struggle to survive, which is leading to mental crises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
problems
Use synonyms
 with
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
. Despite having the aforementioned
problems
Use synonyms
 there are plausible solutions which will be beneficial for society. Mostly, working parents should teach their kids to be available and provide basic help to their grandparents in their absence.
However
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, in critical cases, they should hire a full-time nurse for them.The outcome of
this
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 method is that the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 can live with their children and grandchildren,
thus
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 they can feel less lonely.
Even
Rephrase
However
show examples
though
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the government should establish a social service program that will provide the elderly with all essential help. To illustrate, society should build a free membership club for pensioners where they can interact with the same age group. It would definitely enhance the quaint of social interaction.
Moreover
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, it will improve their way of living.
Additionally
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, they can learn yoga, playing cards and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 the laughter therapy together. Certainly, these activities keep them busy
hence
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, they would not feel neglected and alone. To recapitulate,the
problems
Use synonyms
 related to limited opportunities for looking after the elderly can be solved with a number of measures
such
Linking Words
 as providing an adequate homely environment,
emotional
Correct word choice
and emotional
show examples
 and health assistance.
Similarly
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, the government should establish a social club where they feel cheerful and healthy.
Submitted by Priyanka Manhas on

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task response
Make sure to address all aspects of the task question, including both problems and solutions, without deviating from the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, with appropriate use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
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