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Band 5.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #school #life
Activities
 outside of school are great for kids to explore the world. Some could argue that
children
 should be forced to do more
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
while
 others think they
would
Verb problem
should
show examples
 do whatever they want to do after school time. In my opinion, taking more responsibilities would benefit our
children
 wisely in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. On the one hand, freely participating in after-school
activities
 can be entertaining for students but it might not be good in some way. In fact, most
children
 are more likely to go out with friends or participate in sports
activities
 than
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 housework or
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 neighbours. Statistics show that without diversity in
activities
,
children
 may not be able to learn essential qualities in
life
such
 as sympathy or compassion.
As a result
,
children
 would lack the necessary skills in
life
.
On the other hand
, taking on extra responsibilities outside of school hours can help
children
 learn many crucial skills.
Firstly
, participating in
activities
 that help others make
children
 value
life
 better.
Children
 will be aware of their own responsibility to the community and become better people.
Secondly
, taking on more responsibilities will help
children
 explore their new abilities. Because of that,
children
 will be more confident and more successful in
life
.
For example
, 60 per cent of school-age
children
 in the US who
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in social
activities
 are successful in many areas compared to
children
 who do not participate.
Thus
, the more
children
 are trusted to do things, the more successful they are.
To sum up
,
while
children
 can freely participate in extracurricular
activities
, I believe we should put more responsibility on them for their own good.
Submitted by Andy on

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task response
Provide more detailed and diverse examples to strengthen your arguments. Make sure to address each point of view thoroughly and offer a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and organized structure throughout. Use transition words and cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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