IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is negative or positive development?

#people #city #homes #spaces #areas #development
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Due to
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 urbanization, many
people
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 are willing to settle in cities.
Hence
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, these
areas
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 are really becoming congested and
people
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 are forced to live in those
areas
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 with very
less
Correct word choice
little
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 space around.
According to
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 me ,
this
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 is obviously a negative development.Through
this
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 essay, I will try to elaborate my opinion
along with
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 relevant examples. To commence with, there are many reasons for which
people
Use synonyms
 are ready to live in those small spaces in a metropolis.Job opportunities are luring them to leave their villages and settle in a city for a luxurious lifestyle.
Thus
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 a lot many
people
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 come to these central
areas
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.
In addition
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 , to gift their children a better education, many are shifting to cities.Real estate agents are making cash by using all these opportunities by constructing apartments with very less
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 but with a huge number of houses.
For instance
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, nowadays ,every nook and corner of a developed area is filled with apartments.
However
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, there are numerous disadvantages to living in a kind of
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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 with very small room
areas
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 and no outdoor places.First of all,
this
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 environment affects the kids very much because if there is no space for them to play
then
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 their mental,
as well as
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 physical growth, reduces.
Furthermore
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, when our relatives arrive, we can not make a room for them .
Hence
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, our relationship with them gets
worsed
Correct your spelling
worse
worked
 and they feel to leave soon.
Last
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 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, it is said that our mindset will surely be affected if there is no greenery around us.
For example
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,
green
Correct article usage
a green
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 environment and fresh air will automatically remove all the negative energies in our home.
To conclude
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, I strongly opine that
this
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 kind of living will definitely affect the present
as well as
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 future generations ,both mentally and physically . One thing is that
people
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 should try to maintain some healthy habits like yoga ,
meditation
Correct word choice
and meditation
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 to prevent the negative effects if it is mandatory to live there.
Submitted by Sri on

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extended advice
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. There is a good attempt to support the opinion with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the positive and negative aspects of living in small spaces.
extended advice
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. There is a clear use of transition words and cohesive devices to link ideas. To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph discusses a single main point and that ideas are linked more explicitly throughout the essay.
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