Mothers generally stay home to take care of their children after pregnancy. Do you support the opinion that this mothers should be compensated by the government.

It has commonly
observed
Add a missing verb
been observed
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that
mothers
provide their contribution and choose to stay at home to
care
for their children during the maternity period. In
this
essay, I will consider both the view with the idea of financial help to
mothers
. It is true that child-rearing is played a crucial role in a parent's life.
However
, the first reason is that
women
need some money to contribute to the family income.
Moreover
,
women
have rare opportunities to work part-time,
or
Correct word choice
and
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some
women
struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
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with these basic problems
such
as parental
care
during pregnancy
due to
poverty.
Hence
, it is reasonable to support
mothers
with compensation money.
For Instance
,
women
have an extra financial burden related to prenatal
care
, preparing for a new baby and
then
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
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the baby. If
women
supported
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are supported
show examples
by the government, it will be more helpful to survive and give proper nutrients to kids for raising
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
However
, some government employees oppose that
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
of the country could not allocate huge funds in
women
Change noun form
women's
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maternity because it affects
to
Change preposition
apply
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other social programs,
such
as supporting orphans.
In addition
, it
also
affects the economy. If compensated for each woman for child caring, the budget would
get suffering for
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
financial problems and
also
it gives
Verb problem
have
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negative impacts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other supporting and social activities.
As a result
, it is irrational to bring changes to the budget in favour of unemployed
mothers
. In conclusion, some government employees should abandon any attempt to compensate jobless
mothers
for motherhood, I believe that they should help them.
Submitted by Ishaan433 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and thorough response to the given topic. The argument is not well-developed and lacks sufficient reasoning and evidence to support the opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay struggles with coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is underdeveloped, and the essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion. The supporting points lack clear connections and transitions, making the essay difficult to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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