IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this and what are some of the long-term effects?

#governments #improvements #healthcare #system #health #countries #effects
The deterioration of the overall health status amongst the citizens from developed nations is a stark contrast with how their governments are making a great effort to
further
 enhance their healthcare system. There are several reasons contributing to
this
 problem, as well as drastic potential long-term effects. Owing to the high disposable income that people from wealthy nations earn, they are able to purchase food regularly on fast-food chains and restaurants, which are notorious for being unhealthy.
For example
, KFC and Mc Donalds are only some of the many junk food houses that are frequented by people from rich countries.
As a result
, they are not getting the recommended nutritional contents that a healthy person must have.
Additionally
, having extra money would mean that have the purchasing capacity to buy modern gizmos, like game consoles and other modern devices that prohibit physical mobility and
instead
 require fullscreen attention.
As a result
 of
this
 overconsumption of unhealthy diet coupled with a sedentary lifestyle, their overall health condition is debilitated. If these practices continue on, they are at risk of developing illness
that is
 serious and life-threatening.
That is
 why, critical diseases like heart problems, diabetes, and strokes are becoming prevalent in these part of the world. To recapitulate, the culprit to the declination of the general physical well-being of people from wealthy nations is the high disposable earnings that give them the liberty to purchase food
that is
 unhealthy and gadgets that restrict them from performing more physical activities. In the long-run, if unresolved, it would surely take
t
Add an article
a
show examples
oll on their longevity,
as a result
 of critical illnesses associated with the reasons given.
Submitted by titanesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: