IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many educational institutions give greater importance to subjects related to science and ignore subjects such as drama and literature. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#institutions #importance #subjects #science #drama #literature #development
It is becoming increasingly common for schools around the
world
 to emphasise STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) to the detriment of the humanities.
This
 is a logically motivated decision and is negative overall. The main reason for
this
 shift is a realisation of the value of jobs in scientific fields. New inventions and medicines push forward human progress and generate billions of dollars in revenue across a wide spectrum of industries. It
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 follows there are high-paying jobs available in private and public sectors for engineers, researchers, scientists, and mathematicians. At the very least, someone who majors in a
STEM related
Add a hyphen
STEM-related
show examples
 subject will be able to find a quality teaching position.
This
 guarantees
of
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
a minimum level of success and the possibility of a much greater career
motivates
Change the verb form
motivate
show examples
 parents, institutions and students themselves to prioritise and pursue scientific careers.
This
 over-emphasis on science will translate to less art in the
world
. It is true that from a strictly utilitarian point of view, resources ought to be allocated to fields with the most economic value. Life is,
however
, more than the sum of everyone’s earning potential. If the proportion of humanities majors falls, there will be fewer painters, sculptors, filmmakers, writers, and musicians. Science may create modern conveniences but the arts are more important for a fulfilling and enjoyable life. The results of
this
 decline might not become apparent for generations, but if funding is slashed for arts programs, the
world
 will become culturally poorer and the art that has enriched and elevated humanity will give way to a tranquil, technocratic future. In conclusion, the jobs available to science majors explain their dominance but taken as a whole
this
 trend will result in a
world
 bereft of great artists. It is
therefore
 important to balance funding to a defensible degree
Submitted by www_anel_girl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: