IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The position of women in the society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arises from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#position #women #society #twenty #years #people #delinquency #fact #work #home #care #children
From the past until the
last
 century, the vast majority of women stayed at home to look after their children and only a very small percentage of them had to
work
 or do any outdoor activity in many countries.
However
,
this
 custom had changed in the
last
 20 years and many women now go to
work
, run their shops or businesses or even
work
 as managers in some multinational companies. Of course,
this
 significant change has had good and bad impacts on everyday life. From my point of view, the disadvantages of
this
 trend surpass the advantages it offers. Actually,
this
 issue has to be discussed delicately. When the mother leaves her house, she has two choices: the
first
 is to leave her house and children without
care
, and that of course is unacceptable. The other choice, and it's not better than the
first
 one, is to get someone to looks after her children and do the housework. There are some reasons that may lead women to
work
, but the main reason is that: most married women who are employed or have their own business, need money to live an acceptable life. In my opinion,
this
 is the husbands' responsibility and they shouldn't involve their wives in the task because
this
 eventually leads to tragic consequences. Their children don’t get enough
care
 and time with parents and that lead in the long term disorder in the society. From the psychological point of view, if the children don’t get enough
care
 during the childhood, they may not be able to interact properly with people around them. Some people claim that "preventing women from
work
 and not letting them earning money is a type of injustice "; but I don't think so. When a mother prevents her child from getting her
care
 and affections,
this
 is the injustice.
Submitted by engr.talha72 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolution
  • domestic roles
  • diverse professional engagements
  • dual-working parents
  • family dynamics
  • juvenile delinquency
  • societal and economic factors
  • dual-income households
  • childcare methods
  • community support systems
  • gender roles
  • family responsibilities
  • professional aspirations
  • development needs
  • correlation
  • simplistic causation
  • workplace policies
  • flexible hours
  • parental leave
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • successful womanhood
What to do next:
Look at other essays: