IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#pressures #today’s #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children
From elementary to high school, The schools are not the place that students just get information about academical subjects.
That is
 why the idea of removing non-academic subjects from the syllabus is completely wrong. Children are looked like a hard disk that has to be filled in
this
 perspective. Children learn numerous knowledge and information even in kindergarten. They get socialized and learn good manners. While they go to school in their childhood, they are not giving up to growing.
Thus
, physical education is crucial for increasing students abilities.
Moreover
, motor skills are improved by non-academical subjects like cookery. Academical successes are not number 2 in
this
 view.
However
, The most important point on
this
 issue is why there are pressures on today's younglings?
Although
 science and math are very important for success in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
professional life, not every child dream about white-collar jobs. Mounting on the evidence of some researches, Generation Z does not even care about getting a job with a salary and live paycheck to paycheck. Even if there are many reasons for
this
 intent, the common purpose is pursuit the happiness. Changing syllabus and filling it with only academical subjects makes to lose children willing to go to schools. To sum up, The time constantly changes and it brings several differences with its. People should stop criticise children according to their academical achievements with old-fashioned values. The Educational system should adapt themself in today's values and does not put more stresses on children's shoulders. Non-academical subjects are as important as academical subjects.
Submitted by uyelik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: