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Writing Samples
Band 8

Obesity has been found to be a serious health hazard over the world, over the past few decades. What are the causes behind it? What steps can be taken to slow down this trend?

In recent years,
obesity
Use synonyms
 has emerged as one of the most pressing health challenges worldwide.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and propose solutions that could help slow it down.
To begin
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 with, a primary cause of
obesity
Use synonyms
 is the widespread consumption of high-calorie and processed foods. Eating at fast-food chains and consuming products high in
sugar
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, salt, and saturated fat have become easier, which has raised rates of overweight.
For instance
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, a study published in the Global Health Journal showed that children who frequently consume sugary drinks are more likely to become overweight.
Moreover
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, another significant factor is a sedentary lifestyle. With advancements in technology, individuals have become obsessed with their digital devices, spending long periods in front of screens without moving.
Therefore
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, reduced physical activity leads to an inactive body that cannot burn sufficient calories, and
this
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 results in higher body weight. To combat
this
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 issue, governments, businesses, and individuals can act collectively. If the government imposes taxes on products with high
sugar
Use synonyms
 content,
this
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 strategy will pressure companies to reduce
sugar
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 levels.
For example
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, in Mexico, authorities implemented a law that fines companies exceeding the permitted
sugar
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 percentage, which has successfully reduced the country's
obesity
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 rate.
Furthermore
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, urban planning policies can promote cycling and walking, alongside investments in public parks, where people can be physically active.
Consequently
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, individuals can adopt an active lifestyle since all the required measures are available.
To conclude
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,
although
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obesity
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 has reached a concerning level, there are various measures that can tackle
this
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 problem by curbing the trend and eventually reversing it in the long run. Collaboration between states, citizens, and industries plays a crucial role in cultivating not only a healthy population but
also
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 an active one.

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structure
Plan your essay well. Say what causes first, then what to do to slow the rise. End with a short closing line.
coherence
Use joining words to show link between ideas, such as and, also, so, because, as a result.
content
Give real facts or numbers when you can to back up a point.
language
Choose simple words. Some hard terms can slow the read. Keep to plain language.
structure
Clear layout with an intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking words to show cause and effect.
content
Gives useful examples such as the sugar tax case in Mexico.
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