IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the most important skill nurses should have is having good medical knowledge. Others believe there are other more important qualities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been an issue of debate that what qualities are crucial for a health practitioner.
While
Linking Words
 some people claim that the proper
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of the medical field or their position and their respective duties is more important to be a nurse, I believe that
along with
Linking Words
 it they should
also
Linking Words
 have some other significant
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as empathy and good
communication
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 which could complement their role.
this
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate both these notions
along with
Linking Words
 my perspective as well. On the one hand, the details about the anatomy and medical treatment are the basis of the job of any nurse for which they hire.
Since without
Change preposition
Without
show examples
 any proper and detailed information, they would not be able to assist the
patient
Use synonyms
 and doctor as well.
In a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 recent survey,
for instance
Linking Words
, conducted in the UK has shown that in hospitals
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heath-care
Correct your spelling
health-care
show examples
 workers have the experience
to work
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 with different doctors and with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time they acquire all intelligence and become able to treat the
patients
Use synonyms
 by themselves and even they can sort out the issues of the majority of
patients
Use synonyms
 by themselves as well.
Thus
Linking Words
,
field related
Add a hyphen
field-related
show examples
 particulars are vital for any job field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I opine that alongside
this
Linking Words
 huge
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of their medical
ground
Add a comma
ground,
show examples
 they must possess some other useful qualities be it empathy or
communication
Use synonyms
. Since in hospitals, it is extremely hard to handle
patients
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
be
patient
Use synonyms
 with them all the time and provide them with required treatment, an assistant should have
empath
Correct your spelling
empathy
show examples
 and concern with the
patients
Use synonyms
 and
listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
show examples
 to them carefully when needed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should have the finest
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 of
communication
Use synonyms
 with their
patient
Use synonyms
hence
Linking Words
 it will make them feel comfortable and relaxed.
This
Linking Words
 has been confirmed by a recent study in the USA which has shown that knowledgeable and skilled health care assistants can help the
patient
Use synonyms
 in the greatest method.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should
also
Linking Words
 have
such
Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 their basic
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay has discussed that not the pragmatic
knowledge
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 there are some other helpful
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
communication
Use synonyms
 and concern towards
patients
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 equally imperative for the job of any
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 nurse.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence
The introduction could be clearer and more structured. Try to summarize the main points you will discuss more directly.
Task Achievement
You provide some relevant examples to support your points which help strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Medical knowledge
  • Diagnosing
  • Treating patients
  • Patient safety
  • Care quality
  • Informed decisions
  • Emergency situations
  • Time is of the essence
  • Communicate effectively
  • Healthcare professionals
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Empathy
  • Patient experience
  • Supportive environment
  • Healing environment
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Manage stress
  • Well-being
  • High-quality care
  • Organizational abilities
  • Multi-tasking
  • Responsibilities
  • Smooth operation
  • Healthcare services
What to do next:
Look at other essays: