IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Holding International games such as The Olympic Games is an exciting event. Some people think that it has positive effects while other argue that it is a waste of money. Dicuss both sides of view and give your own opinion.

Hosting international sports tournaments
such
Linking Words
 as the World
Cup
Use synonyms
 and Olympics can be a major event for some countries. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it improves the hosting
countries
Check wording
country's
show examples
 reputation,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that they waste financial resources. I agree with the former view.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, many suggest that there are many other aspects that should be taken care of
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than building new venues and stadiums for games. Governments should take care of ameliorating and improving
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
 and healthcare services.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
criticized
Use the right word
criticised
show examples
 Brazil for hosting the World
Cup
Use synonyms
 events despite the rising rates of poverty and declining medical services
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 saying that
this
Linking Words
 money should be spent on these areas
instead
Linking Words
 of building brand-new stadiums which
be
Verb problem
would be
show examples
 left derelict after the event.
As a result
Linking Words
, Brazil experienced major financial challenges after the World
Cup
Use synonyms
 because
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 had spent so much money preparing for
this
Linking Words
 event.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, several individuals opine that
such
Linking Words
 international games can have economic benefits in spite of the costs required in
organizing
Use the right word
organising
show examples
 them.
This
Linking Words
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 flock from different nations to attend these competitions
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, revenues can be increased because of tourism.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will encourage more tourists to travel to
this
Linking Words
 country.
For example
Linking Words
, when Egypt
organized
Use the right word
organised
show examples
 the African
Cup
Use synonyms
 of Nations,
people
Use synonyms
 learned more about Egypt.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, more visitors decided to visit Egypt, and income from tourism increased. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is argued that money spent on well-known sports competitions should be used for improving existing public services, I strongly believe that they can be a way to
maximize
Use the right word
maximise
show examples
 a country's income through attracting more visitors and tourists.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Plan your answer with a clear view in the intro and restate it in the end. Stick to one clear claim in the essay.
task response
Add strong examples that link to your point and explain how they show the effect.
coherence
Keep sentences short and use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph so the flow is easy to follow.
language
Check words and grammar so the writing stays easy to read; use simple words instead of big ones when possible.
task
Clear position is given from the start.
coherence
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show both sides.
content
Some good examples from real events that show effects.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: