IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
Sleep is one of the most important things to do for a human being as it helps the body to recharge its energy and
work
 more efficiently. On the onset of urbanization,
this
 aspect of resting is considered as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
aste
Correct your spelling
waste
 of time,
therefore
 people tend to
work
 late hours and start their day early
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
however
,
this
 was not the case in the past. Every morning is a rush hour in the city as everyone is rushing to get to their offices and
work
 tirelessly to build their career.
This
 race to build career comes with many drawbacks and one of the reasons is, it increases the level of
work
 and
life
stress
 exponentially. Due to
this
work
 and
life
stress
Add a comma
,
show examples
most of the individuals does not focus on taking
b
Add an article
a
show examples
reak and tend to exhaust their energy in creating an impact in their respective sector.
Consequently
, the elevated
stress
 level due to lack of sleep, if not treated can result in fatal diseases. The reduced period of relaxing the mind and body due to exhaustion leads to numerous
health
 issues. Annual report of the
health
 ministry states that about 90% of the diseases like diabetes, heart attacks, high cholesterol and high blood pressure happens to
s
Add an article
the
show examples
leep-deprived urban population due to the enormous amount of
stress
 from
work
.
Therefore
, it is very much important to maintain a
work
-
lifelife
Correct your spelling
life life
life-life
 balance in individuals’
life
 and focus on one’s
health
 in order to live a healthy and prosperous
life
. In my opinion
o
Add an article
the
show examples
ffice’s must conduct awareness workshops on employee’s
health
 due to
over
Correct your spelling
overwork
show examples
work
 and loss of sleep to reduce the detrimental impacts of sleep deprivation.
Submitted by rrjoshi1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: