IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #children #school #parents #future
Inclusion
Correct article usage
The inclusion
show examples
 of formal training for parenting has been the talk of the hour
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the past few years after realising the importance of real-life concepts not taught in the formative years of the
children
. I will try to analyse the pros and cons of the given statement and conclude by
given
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 my two cents on
this
 million-dollar question. On the positive side, it makes a lot of sense to teach parenting to
children
 in school since it is an important aspect of life which guides the
overall
 success of their families and prepares them emotionally for the challenges ahead.
Secondly
, it not only encourages the student but
also
 the parents to nurture and nudge their
children
 in the right direction.
Thirdly
, it will help
children
 take care of their younger
sibling
Fix the agreement mistake
siblings
show examples
, especially in families where both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents are full-time working professionals. On the negative side,
this
 process would add more burden to the already overburdened students and the issue of overburdening is a much bigger and deeper issue than anything else.
Also
, teaching a concept like parenting
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
 an early age would not get registered in the minds of
children
.
Further
, a good parenting strategy now may not
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
good one after a few years. As the times and circumstances are changing, the learnings may become redundant.
To conclude
, in my opinion, introducing formal training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 parenting at an early age might add value
however
 it might result in stress and burden on the
children
. The cons outweigh the pros and
hence
 I believe that formal training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 parenting is not a good idea.
Submitted by aizazdosani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your points. Concrete examples can add depth and credibility to your argument, making it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, utilizing cohesive devices effectively. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your arguments, presenting both pros and cons with a balanced view.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the question by discussing both sides of the argument, showing a fair and complete response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: