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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #children #school #parents #future
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Inclusion
Correct article usage
The inclusion
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 of formal training for parenting has been the talk of the hour
since
Change preposition
for
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 the past few years after realising the importance of real-life concepts not taught in the formative years of the
children
Use synonyms
. I will try to analyse the pros and cons of the given statement and conclude by
given
Wrong verb form
giving
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 my two cents on
this
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 million-dollar question. On the positive side, it makes a lot of sense to teach parenting to
children
Use synonyms
 in school since it is an important aspect of life which guides the
overall
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 success of their families and prepares them emotionally for the challenges ahead.
Secondly
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, it not only encourages the student but
also
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 the parents to nurture and nudge their
children
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 in the right direction.
Thirdly
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, it will help
children
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 take care of their younger
sibling
Fix the agreement mistake
siblings
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, especially in families where both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents are full-time working professionals. On the negative side,
this
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 process would add more burden to the already overburdened students and the issue of overburdening is a much bigger and deeper issue than anything else.
Also
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, teaching a concept like parenting
in
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at
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such
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 an early age would not get registered in the minds of
children
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.
Further
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, a good parenting strategy now may not
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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good one after a few years. As the times and circumstances are changing, the learnings may become redundant.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, introducing formal training
of
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in
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 parenting at an early age might add value
however
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 it might result in stress and burden on the
children
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. The cons outweigh the pros and
hence
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 I believe that formal training
of
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in
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 parenting is not a good idea.
Submitted by aizazdosani on

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task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your points. Concrete examples can add depth and credibility to your argument, making it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, utilizing cohesive devices effectively. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your arguments, presenting both pros and cons with a balanced view.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the question by discussing both sides of the argument, showing a fair and complete response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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