Young children should be punished in the same way as adults if they commit a serious crime (such as a violent attack or a robbery). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Punishment is a legal
way
Use synonyms
in many countries to help
criminals
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recover from their wrong
actions
Use synonyms
. Young
children
Use synonyms
who have seriously broken the law with violence and stealing should receive the same
sentence
Use synonyms
as
adults
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
should not be judged as
adults
Use synonyms
because they cannot see all the consequences of their
actions
Use synonyms
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
they can be badly influenced by others if they go to jail. Young
children
Use synonyms
do not have the capacity to really
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
their acts. They do not have enough life experience to discern how an action like attacking someone or stealing a good can cause damage to others.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
steal items from others because they cannot understand what is personal property.
That is
Linking Words
, they do a genuine action in order to have fun and not to break the law.
That is
Linking Words
why I disagree that
children
Use synonyms
should not receive punishments just like
adults
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
would
not
Correct word order
also not
show examples
also
Linking Words
be able to spend many years or months in reclusion. They would be involved with other real
criminals
Use synonyms
that could influence their
way
Use synonyms
of thinking
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
a bad
perspective
Check wording
way
show examples
. These
criminals
Use synonyms
could use them as a
way
Use synonyms
to do many wrong things inside the jail.
This
Linking Words
would allow these
children
Use synonyms
to be part of a crew just to have the feeling of family and protection during their
sentence
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the main reason for punishment is to
recover
Verb problem
restore
show examples
the ability of a criminal to live in a society without breaking
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
of
recovering
Verb problem
preventing
show examples
children
Use synonyms
from doing wrong
actions
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
would lead them to real-life crime after their
sentence
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
should not receive punishment in the same
way
Use synonyms
as
adults
Use synonyms
because they can not see the results of their
actions
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
they are just
children
Use synonyms
. They could
also
Linking Words
be badly influenced by other
criminals
Use synonyms
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
them bad people
while
Linking Words
they are in jail.
That is
Linking Words
why I totally reject the idea of
children
Use synonyms
receiving a
sentence
Use synonyms
on the same level as an adult.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
State your view clearly in the opening and keep it to the end.
coherence
Use simple words to link ideas. Words like also, but, and however help.
structure
Give one clear reason in each paragraph and explain it with a simple example.
grammar
Fix small grammar and word errors (for example reclusion).
development
Add a second example or detail to support points.
content
The writer shows a clear view and takes a stance.
structure
The essay has a start, middle, and end.
coherence
Reasons are given for the view and stay near the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: