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Band 6.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is widening very fast. What are the causes and effects of this widening gap? You may give solutions based on your knowledge and experience.

#gap #effects
In modern society, the economy industry is growing rapidly and many things are changed in the world. Some of the jobs are obsolete nowadays.
Therefore
, people who lost their jobs going to be poor.
Moreover
,
this
 phenomenon leads to the
gap
 between the rich and the poor widely. In
this
 essay, I will give examples of
this
 phenomenon and some solutions. Without a doubt, the
automation
system
 rapidly increased compared to a few decades ago.
Thus
, some jobs do not need anymore in some field.
For example
, many buildings need 24hours security guards. But, nowadays, the automatic
system
 can check all of the CCTV in the buildings and if there are some strange movement find out from the
system
, the
system
 will call the police right away.
Likewise
, some other jobs are obsolete.
Hence
, people who lost their
job
 going to be poor and they cannot find a new
job
, because their field already fulled by the
automation
system
.
In contrast
, the other jobs
such
 as a manager who controls the
automation
system
, their payment will be increased. So
this
 will bring the problem of the economic
gap
 between rich and poor people more and more. In my opinion, the government should allocate some budget for people who lost their
job
 because of the
automation
 systems.
In addition
, they
also
 should introduce legislation for people who need new education to follow the new world. On
c
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the
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ondition that people who are poor and do not have a
job
 are educated and get some subsidy from the government, they can get a
job
. So the problems of people's economic
gap
 are getting better than before. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the widening of people's economic
gap
 is the biggest problems in modern society. Because
automation
system
 brought some problems in the
job
 industry. In my opinion, the government should help people to prevent
the
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problems.
Submitted by paraneunju on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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