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Band 7.5

Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #drawings #subjects #school #education
Art subjects are believed to be an essential part of the learning process and some suggest that they should be taught in high school.
While
 others might argue that
students
 do not have free
time
 for drawing, I disagree since it is important for teenagers to explore their creativity and relax. Because young people are really busy with completing school assignments and pursuing their hobbies, no other subjects should be added to their schedule. High school is a really difficult
time
 both mentally and physically, involving many sleepless nights and stressful experiences. Because of that, many young adults develop anxiety. Adding extra drawing and painting lessons will overpack their schedule even more. There are a number of other things
students
 could be doing during
this
time
, including, finishing homework, hanging out with their friends or relaxing at home.
However
, I am of the opinion that art classes would benefit teenagers. Since many
students
 spend all their
time
 learning new information, it is important for them to relax and activate other parts of the brain. Painting reduces stress and allows a person to explore their creative side by drawing a representation of their feelings on the canvas. By leaving the negative emotions on the paper, the person is able to achieve a sense of peace.
To conclude
, many teenagers have a packed schedule and think that painting lessons would increase their workload.
Nevertheless
, I believe that
this
time
 would be spent usefully
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
students
 would activate other parts of their brain and reduce their stress levels.
Submitted by evijavidemane on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and provide a clear outline of your stance and the arguments supporting it.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong logical structure overall, with each paragraph addressing a specific point.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear and comprehensive, and you address the task effectively by discussing both sides.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • artistic expression
  • communication
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • critical thinking skills
  • cultural appreciation
  • understanding
  • therapeutic benefits
  • mental well-being
  • career opportunities
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