IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Oil and gas usage is increasing globally. Current sources are limited,
thus
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 many rural areas could be the solution
for
Change preposition
to
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 the crisis.
While
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 some agree that searching for some new
places
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged, it could
also
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 be harmful to our nature. Though there are arguments, I reckon that the negative attributes may not be overlooked by the positive ones.
This
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 essay will discuss the views.
To begin
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 with, there are some benefits to
exploit
Wrong verb form
exploiting
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 fuel from urban
places
Use synonyms
 to meet our rising demand.
Firstly
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, industries are growing day by day,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 more energy sources. A limited number of sources may not provide
this
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 amount of power.
For example
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, if some more
places
Use synonyms
 could be found with petroleum, it may provide enough amount for our growing needs.
Secondly
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, it could be a good economic source for an undeveloped area if they get fuel. African nations,
for instance
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, may come forward to take a chance to research
for
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apply
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it and could arrange a great deal. A progressive world helps us to move forward to a better future.
Therefore
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, people are looking for more
places
Use synonyms
 as a source of
this
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 power.
On the contrary
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, some drawbacks may make it worse. The first is, deforestation, which could be occurred by a huge amount of tree cutting to build a petroleum company.
In other words
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, a place in India has been demolished by people to make it suitable for the extraction of oil. The second is hampering
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
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 and quality of the place. An urban area has its own beauty and one should not hamper that.
For example
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, an area in Dubai has been completely destroyed by nature for excessive exploitation. Humans do not bother to completely destroy our mother earth just for personal gain.
Moreover
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, many
places
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 could be harmed and lose their own essence. In conclusion,
this
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 essay has discussed both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 and demerits of finding new
places
Use synonyms
 for energy extraction.
Although
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 it is necessary to advance our world, I radically agree that we should not bother more rural
places
Use synonyms
 in order to get more fuel.
Hence
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, It is our duty to preserve our planet and reconsider the consequences.

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your opinion and addresses the task question.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, but would benefit from stronger logical development and better use of linking devices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
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