IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

`Nowadays, a lot of information about medical conditions and illnesses is freely available on the internet. Is this a good thing or a bad thing for most people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#`nowadays #information #conditions #illnesses #internet #people
People have opposing views on
a
Add an article
the
show examples
vailability of a bulk of
information
 regarding medical conditions and illnesses free of charge via the online resources. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
people who own needed skills and abilities for conducting a research on the Internet can gain some effective results, in comparison with the ones not knowing current tricks behind freely available
information
 on some websites, and
this
 may have some detrimental effects on their health. On the one hand, it is crystal clear that the availability level of
information
 increases irrespectively to people’s financial conditions, as they can read related passages and, eventually be aware of some issues regarding the conditions they face. It can
also
 come in handy both for providing
first
 aid in emergency situations and taking preventive actions in order not to end up with more tragedic results.
Moreover
, it provides a priceless opportunity for not wasting time in the queues waiting to meet the doctor or receiving the needed piece of advice, particularly in state hospitals and clinics.
On the other hand
, considering the high
occurancy
Correct your spelling
occupancy
occurrence
 rate of non-reliable sources on the Internet and their mostly misleading advertising tricks, the
availabilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
such
 kind of
information
 seems to be more dangerous.
Furthermore
, for patients, the rates of efficiency and effectiveness of visiting doctors
for
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
can not be replaced due to the high quality and special accuracy of the work done by doctors. Apparently, doctors
diagnoze
Correct your spelling
diagnose
diagnosed
 more precisely and are able to recommend more result-oriented treatment methods by having needed laboratory results and with the help of up-to-date diagnostic equipment they use while checking their patients.
Finally
, in my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
the effectiveness and efficiency of having plenty of
information
 related to
m
Add an article
a
show examples
edicine available on the Internet
depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
 on the levels of literacy and awareness of its receivers. The readers applying given recommendations without checking them via several sources or not analyzing the ingredients of some medical substances may face some difficulties afterwards.
Therefore
, by not being aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the opposing final effects, they may deteriorate their health system and eventually may need to be immediately hospitalized.
However
, the
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 ones can have benefits of taking some preventive actions via those sources and help their immune system
strengthen
Replace the word
stronger
show examples
,
for instance
 by increasing their daily physical activity or focusing on more nutritious diets. In
conclsuion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, while people may vary in their opinions on having medical
information
 freely online, I personally believe that the ones with the high rates of literacy and aware of marketing tricks of pharmaceutical companies can benefit from it, while the others should be much more cautious.
Submitted by gabiba.zakir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: