IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people
In some nations, the population flow charts indicate that there is a larger number of young adults than older people. The unbalanced portion results in the form of both positive and negative. In my opinion, the advantages of high youngster citizens are brought more than its disadvantages into a country. Human resources from youths are the power of a territory that changes the state into a developed region. In fact, generation X and Y have strengths to empower domestic wealthy with the abilities of creation and modern technology. Doubtlessly, the government which owns the huge powerful youth groups are able to make a rapid growth economy and are able to deal with the weight on the silent generation. Singapore is a good example country, in which a great young resident size, applies the youths’ capacity in development and stands at the top developed nation list in Asia region.
On the other hand
, the possible undesirable outcomes of mass young adult inhabitants will
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
show examples
 in
l
Add an article
a
show examples
ack of job opportunity. It can make present workable generations be in a challenge of high competition workplaces.
However
, that meaningful competition is a matter of fact that upgrades and strengthens the youthful people.
Thus
, the majority of youths in public is the fortune of a nation and benefits on its public and even much more outweigh than unwelcome consequences. In summary, having massive young adults empowers a country. In spite of difficulties of
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
 in work due to inadequate job vacancies, the state will benefit from its youths’ skills reinforcement. It can be concluded that the nation achieves
a
Add an article
the
show examples
dvantages of having more
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 group than
e
Add an article
the
show examples
lderly population whereas disadvantages likely turn into power.
Submitted by yeeyeecho09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: