IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write a letter expressing your interest in a job in a different country. Write to a job recruiter. Your letter should include: •Why you want to work abroad •What type of job you want to have •Questions about working abroad

#interest #job #country #recruiter #•why #work #•what #type #•questions
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you to express my interest in your offer of
work
 outside the country. I am a
highly-qualified
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highly qualified
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 specialist with
broad
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a broad
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specter
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spectrum
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 of skills and working abroad is a great opportunity to improve and strengthen them.
Furthermore
,
this
 is a good chance to improve my English. I am really inspired by hospitality and I used to
work
 for 15 years in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different positions from waiter to
head-manager
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head manager
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. For the past two
years
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years,
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 I have worked as bar-manager so I want to continue my experience in the hospitality sphere. I
also
 have a bunch of experience in positions
such
 as
hotel-supervisor
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hotel supervisor
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 and night-shift administrator. I have several questions
to
Change preposition
for
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 you about
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 foreign country. What documents should I prepare to apply for any type of
work
? And, how long it
takes
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take
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 to
make
Verb problem
get
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work
Correct article usage
a work
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 visa to different countries and what options do I have? Thank you for your answer in advance! Hope to hear from you soon! Faithfully, Valentin Bakin
Submitted by backin.v on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter could benefit from a clearer closing statement to enhance coherence. For instance, you might want to express strong enthusiasm for the opportunity or summarize your main points in a concluding sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph communicates a singular idea clearly. The first paragraph effectively explains why you want to work abroad, but slightly elongate the reasoning for clarity and structure.
Task Response
The letter comprehensively addresses why you want to work abroad and asks relevant questions about the process.
Task Achievement
Your letter maintains a formal tone which is appropriate for writing to a job recruiter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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