It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that technological advances and tradition are incompatible with each other, and culture will eventually perish.

This

Linking Words

essay disagrees that both aspects cannot co-exist with each other. It will discuss the role of technology in spreading information about a country's traditional habits. Mobile phones and social media

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

made it easy for anyone to share anything in public. Historical landmarks and traditional celebrations that are visited by many tourists can be pictures

through

Change preposition

with

show examples

their mobile phones and

post them

Wrong verb form

posted

show examples

on their social media platforms.

For instance

Linking Words

, when a cousin of mine visited India, she was able to attend the Diwali celebration, and she shared every photo of the event.

As a result

Linking Words

, I was able to

know

Verb problem

learn

show examples

more about

this

Linking Words

national event without going to the country itself.

Also

Linking Words

, most people own a personal computer in their homes. They can access any article

that

Linking Words

is discussing

Wrong verb form

discusses

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

of one of the nations. Nowadays, many websites are dedicated to writing about national holidays and the events that happened during them

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

, as

show examples

well as the history of some monuments.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there are many websites that allow tourists to write their own

review

Fix the agreement mistake

reviews

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, Trip

Advisor

Use the right word

TripAdvisor

show examples

website allows individuals who

visited

Verb problem

have visited

show examples

remarkable landmarks to write about their own experiences

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

as restaurants and ancient castles.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, it became very easy for people to be informed about places that they may have never heard of. In conclusion, technology has developed devices

such

Linking Words

as cell phones that are connected to the internet and social media

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

and have made it easy for people to let others see the cultural diversity of other individuals.

Therefore

Linking Words

, technology and culture need each other.

reemmagdysherif

Dec 21, 2020

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task achievement

Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and roadmap.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.

task achievement

Add more specific examples to support your points.

task achievement

Your examples, like the Diwali celebration, help to understand your point better.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inevitable
advancement
globalization
dilutes
traditional cultures
social media
blending of cultures
preservation
platforms
adaptability
technological adaptations
uphold
consequence
integrate
cultural frameworks

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