IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is debatable whether
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
 a profession depends on the demand of the market or
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
 one's passion. Most
people
Use synonyms
 think we should allow young
people
Use synonyms
 to decide their future path.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that the young generation should be more pragmatic
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 opting for their
career
Use synonyms
. I agree with the former view. To commence,
By
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing passion as a
career
Use synonyms
 gives better outcomes.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a person opts for his
career
Use synonyms
 based on his choice
then
Linking Words
 definitely he works more enthusiastically. He will be more productive at his workplace. To cite an example,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey of "India Today" based on the choice of a profession, 40% of youth agree to follow their passion. Because
this
Linking Words
 will give job satisfaction and they will be happier in their life.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that choose
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 which is more
career
Use synonyms
 friendly.
Although
Linking Words
career
Use synonyms
-oriented jobs give stability in terms of fortune, do not claim
people
Use synonyms
 will be happy.
For instance
Linking Words
, many young generations opt
engineering
Change preposition
for engineering
show examples
 as a
career
Use synonyms
 option. To be precise, many choose information technology as a
career
Use synonyms
 option because of the boom in the industry. Parents
also
Linking Words
forced
Wrong verb form
force
show examples
 youths to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
IT
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
 without knowing what their
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
 So the major portion of youth
resists
Correct subject-verb agreement
resist
show examples
 their craving to work they like.
To Sum up
Linking Words
, deciding
Change preposition
on the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
career
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
self-choice gives happiness and balance in personal and professional life. But one can not ignore the fact that
realistic
Correct article usage
a realistic
show examples
 approach
also
Linking Words
 plays a vital role in livelihood.

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from providing more balanced arguments for both sides and further developed points. Consider adding more detailed examples and explanations to better support your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to better connect your points and ensure smooth progression.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay touches on both views of the topic and provides your own opinion, which is essential for the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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