IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweigh as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #children #overweigh #food #governments #ban #schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Obesity has become a common
problem
Use synonyms
, even among children, who are used to eating
food
Use synonyms
 high in calories and low in nutrition. It is argued that schools should not be allowed to sell
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 at all. Even though it seems that a straightforward ban on fast
food
Use synonyms
 at schools is a positive measure, would it solve the
problem
Use synonyms
? On the one hand, fast
food
Use synonyms
 has already been proven to be so detrimental to one’s health, that preventing schools from selling it to their pupils is a step in the right direction. The fewer burgers, pizzas and chips children consume, the better. If
school
Use synonyms
 canteens cooked freshly made healthy dishes, children would definitely them. And with time, some of them would get used to eating good
food
Use synonyms
. One the other hand, high consumption of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 for lunch at
school
Use synonyms
 is only a small part of the
problem
Use synonyms
. The main issue is that some people have unhealthy attitudes to
food
Use synonyms
 that they transfer to their children. An example of
this
Linking Words
 is obese families where both parents and children clearly do not eat healthily. Even if children could not eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 but could eat it every morning and evening at home, they would, most likely, still become overweight. In conclusion, banning fast
food
Use synonyms
 from
school
Use synonyms
 canteens does not seem to be an effective solution.
Although
Linking Words
 it would alleviate the
problem
Use synonyms
, it would not prevent children from eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 elsewhere. That is why governments should consider public awareness campaigns that would help people to understand why they need to return to the timeconsuming cooking of freshly-made
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by chandelasrishti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: