IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #difference #earnings
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It is believed that capping the earnings of rich
people
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 may bring equity among the poor and affluent
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I do not agree with the given statement. I believe that only bringing
this
Linking Words
 change would not solve all the problems.
Firstly
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, the government should
work
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 on providing employment to unemployed individuals which would automatically raise the income level of
people
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 with lower earnings. Reducing the potential of
people
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 with sufficient funds can demotivate them which may become the cause of their movement to other countries.
For instance
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, recently, many developed countries have started inviting
people
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 from around the world to
work
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 and settle in their
country
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countries
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.
Secondly
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, rich
people
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 invest in new
business
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businesses
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 which generates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment and interference of the government in their business
handlings
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handling
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 would demotivate them from investing in new projects.
Finally
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, the community should
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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work
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 by providing help to the poor.
On the other hand
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, society has a hierarchy which is identical to a workplace environment where superiors get the tasks done from the superiors and get paid
from
Change preposition
by
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 the organization.
Likewise
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,
people
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 with less or no salary get paid for the
work
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 they do.
Moreover
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, If everyone in society
would have
Wrong verb form
had
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 equal income, no one would be able to
work
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 for others as everyone would have enough money to pay for their expenses.
For instance
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, getting domestic help in developed countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and Canada is quite difficult because everyone earns enough money and no need to endeavour.
To conclude
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, I would say that
disparity
Correct article usage
the disparity
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 between rich and poor
people
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 cannot be removed by just capping the incomes of rich
people
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. Rather, rich
people
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 must be provided with enough
license
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licenses
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 to start new projects to generate employment for poor
people
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.
Submitted by jtymhr28 on

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coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure to maintain this logical flow in all essays.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents clear arguments both in favor and against the idea of capping the earnings of rich people. Ensure all ideas directly relate to the main topic for even better task response.
coherence cohesion
Clear and coherent introduction, body, and conclusion
task achievement
Addresses the prompt effectively by providing arguments for and against the idea of capping the earnings of rich people
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