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Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people stored knowledge on the Internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #internet
Technology has shaped the world in
such
 a way, that nobody can even think to spend a moment of their life without it.
Thus
, the biggest change we can see
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading habits. People used to read more
books
 to gain knowledge but these days
such
 material is available
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their fingertips with the help of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. In my view, both statements have their own pros and cons.
To begin
 with, before the
internet
 era one has to carry the weight of
books
 to get the knowledge but with the
internet
, everything is readily available on their handheld devices. No one has to go anywhere to get the
books
 to study
instead
, one just
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to type in a few keywords and pretty much everything is cooked up for them. To illustrate, when I was in school I had to buy purchase
books
 or borrow from the library but these days children get the same amount of education even with various methods with
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of technology.
Thus
, the
internet
 clearly has changed the conventional way of learning.
In addition
 to
this
, the
internet
 has huge storage to keep data
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 whole world,
whereas
 writing in
books
 may fade away. It is an intelligent way to preserve our heritage or other important data for the upcoming generation. To exemplify, Google known as the biggest tech giant in the world has zillions of records kept
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the cloud , which are just a few clicks away from us.
Therefore
, worldwide web storage is a boon for mankind and
outplay
Correct subject-verb agreement
outplays
show examples
 the use of
books
. In a nutshell, the
internet
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clearly
outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the advantages of the knowledge stored in
books
.
Although
 many people may get troubled by misleading information on the
internet
 it still stands out for its capacity and accessibility.
Submitted by d.khiwani92 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge in books compared to the internet. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and expanding on the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and cohesive manner. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that your ideas are clearly connected throughout the essay. Consider using linking words to improve the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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