IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people stored knowledge on the Internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #internet
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Technology has shaped the world in
such
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 a way, that nobody can even think to spend a moment of their life without it.
Thus
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, the biggest change we can see
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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reading habits. People used to read more
books
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 to gain knowledge but these days
such
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 material is available
on
Change preposition
at
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 their fingertips with the help of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. In my view, both statements have their own pros and cons.
To begin
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 with, before the
internet
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 era one has to carry the weight of
books
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 to get the knowledge but with the
internet
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, everything is readily available on their handheld devices. No one has to go anywhere to get the
books
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 to study
instead
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, one just
need
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needs
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 to type in a few keywords and pretty much everything is cooked up for them. To illustrate, when I was in school I had to buy purchase
books
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 or borrow from the library but these days children get the same amount of education even with various methods with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of technology.
Thus
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, the
internet
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 clearly has changed the conventional way of learning.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the
internet
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 has huge storage to keep data
the
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for the
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 whole world,
whereas
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 writing in
books
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 may fade away. It is an intelligent way to preserve our heritage or other important data for the upcoming generation. To exemplify, Google known as the biggest tech giant in the world has zillions of records kept
on
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in
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 the cloud , which are just a few clicks away from us.
Therefore
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, worldwide web storage is a boon for mankind and
outplay
Correct subject-verb agreement
outplays
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 the use of
books
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. In a nutshell, the
internet
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is
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apply
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clearly
outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweighs
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 the advantages of the knowledge stored in
books
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.
Although
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 many people may get troubled by misleading information on the
internet
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 it still stands out for its capacity and accessibility.
Submitted by d.khiwani92 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge in books compared to the internet. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and expanding on the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and cohesive manner. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that your ideas are clearly connected throughout the essay. Consider using linking words to improve the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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