IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #children
Electronic entertainments have recently spread to a wide range of global customers, including a variety of ages. From pessimistic thoughts, parents argue that
video
game
 is detrimental to there children in terms of education and
health
. I completely agree with those decrying the propagation of
computer
 games. An affinity for playing
computer
 games forms a passive lifestyle. Because the more frequently people spend time playing
video
 games, it reduces the ability proactive in decision-making on daily basis. The children,
for example
, will be dependable on technology devices, and those youngsters will simultaneously be very tough for training under parental discipline.
In addition
, focusing absolutely on
computer
 lessens children’s curiosity provoking about the outside world, along with hindering a love of learning. When a child is trapped in a passive lifestyle, its perception of the surrounding world is less than the ordinary one. Since their interests are gaming achievements, the meaning of education is less valuable than their
computer
game
 in their thoughts. Together with a passive lifestyle, mental and physical
health
 are marginal effects from playing
video
 games. Poor-eyes ability is known as a popular weakness that a myriad of children has to suffer. While others claim that it can be treated with laser surgery, being passive in daily tasks affect more severe to a child’s mental
health
. Some recent studies have proved that children who play
video
game
 much are at risk of mental breakdown and depression because they do not normally share their feelings with their parents. Literally, mental problems effect to all life aspects,
such
 as relationships, study and prospective developments.
Therefore
,
computer
 games may be destructive to a child’s future life. In conclusion, an outspread of
computer
game
 has adverse effects on children on the importance of education and their
health
.
Submitted by adbae1910 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: