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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #mind #leisure #time #colleagues #life #work
It is a common belief that some people do not care about doing something for their
rest
 of
time
 with their peers.
However
, there is a persuasive argument that some people do not want to spend their
leisure
time
 with co-workers, as they think that they have a different style of enjoying
leisure
time
 or if they spent
rest
 of
time
 with peers,
that is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extended work life. On the one hand, some people want to spend the
rest
 of
t
Add an article
the
show examples
ime with their co-workers
such
 as jogging, hiking, swimming, riding. And some people
also
 do not mind whether they do or not. Those people argue that those sorts of sports develop their team works and even they can share deeply their own mind about them.
Therefore
, in Korea, the giant companies have
making
Change the verb form
made
show examples
 a lot of
club
Change to a plural noun
clubs
show examples
 to do sports for enjoying
leisure
time
.
Thus
, those employee groups look satisfied that support by their own company.
Nevertheless
, I support the idea that people accept the other person who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not want to
rest
 with
p
Add a pronoun
their
show examples
eers. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they just want to
lied
Change the verb
lie
show examples
 in their bed to
be relax
Change the verb form
relax
show examples
 and they want to make a good
time
 with their family for the
rest
 of
time
. For one research have shown that a lot of junior peers had stress when they in
leisure
 with work members. For them,
such
 as
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 workshops was an extended
works
Correct the article-noun agreement
work
show examples
. To sum up, while it is apparent that some people do not think the spending
leisure
time
 with co-workers was stressful.
However
, some people do not agree with that idea. So, people mush not have to be
Add an article
a
show examples
force
Change the form of the verb
forced
show examples
 to spending together
leisure
time
 with their colleagues.
Submitted by kooji6856 on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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