Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Major of people
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that
students
of junior high
school
ought to learn international
news
as one of their
subjects
while
others believe that
this
can be a waste of valuable
time
. In my opinion, learning international
news
can help
students
get
along with
the globe and it
also
enriches
children
's knowledge. Nowadays,
children
must study a
lot
of
subjects
at
school
so they do not have enough
time
to learn a new subject and it can influence their
time
to learn main
subjects
like math,
science
or physics,
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Furthermore
, some main
subjects
have a range of homework for
children
to do, if
students
must learn a
lot
, they do not have enough
time
to review and prepare for their exams
then
their learning outcomes are reduced.
For example
, in many Asian countries like China or Vietnam,
children
have to learn natural
science
and social
science
then
learning international
news
makes
children
overloaded so they can not learn the main
subjects
.
On the other hand
, learning intercontinental
news
can get a
lot
of benefits for the
children
.
This
is because
children
gain useful information about the world and easier for them to become international integration. In the same way, I think that learning international
news
can help secondary
school
students
enrich their knowledge.
Moreover
, they can have a
lot
of comprehension to communicate with whole people in the world.
For instance
, in some developed countries like America, the
students
not only learn natural
science
but
also
intercontinental
news
about the world
then
they have a wide range of chances to become more international integration. In conclusion, junior high
school
students
ought to learn international
news
as one of their
subjects
as it can enrich
children
's knowledge.
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task achievement
The essay needs a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on what your main argument is. This can improve the overall clarity of your task response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly presents a main point and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. Some points felt slightly vague or unsupported, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid redundant phrases and aim to be more concise. Making your points effectively with fewer words can improve readability and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
You have provided an introduction and conclusion, which helps give the essay a clear structure.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
The examples provided in your essay, such as those about Asian countries and developed countries, add value and support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
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