IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

#people #children #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is the colossal upsurge of parental behaviour for their children's growth. There is a widespread worry that
this
 will lead to a myriad of concerns in the world.
This
 essay will discuss both opinions of peoples regarding good and bad behaviours of infants using a pragmatic approach. To commence with, there are a plethora of benefits of rewarding a kid for good manners.The most preponderant one not only includes the motivation for good deeds but
also
 includes a well-mannered person in society and become an example for others.
Consequently
, these etiquettes lead him/her to be a good citizen. According to the research conducted by Western Sydney University, more than 90 per cent of participants acknowledged that giving reward to someone for behaving well is much favourable and inspirational for the community.
On the other hand
, to punish adults for their mistakes have several bad impacts on the behavioural changes of kids that are not limited to make them aggressive but
also
 include making them stubborn and disobey their parents.
Moreover
, these kinds of ill manners can make him/her as a bad example compared to other kids who were treated normally.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the government of Australia reveals that the negative impacts of giving punishments are considerable and should never be underestimated or ignored.
Lastly
, in my opinion, the children are innocent and pure souls so they should be treated politely and with love. Using
this
 technique and
then
 rewarding them for good acts, any parent can convince their children to obey them properly. Some other reasons to motivate a child for doing good acts may include to build his personality, career growth and to be a good person. To conclude, despite having some drawbacks, the pros of treating a child in a rewarding way to appreciate them are indeed too dire to ignore.
Submitted by gurdeepaus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: