IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In today’s globalized world, supermarkets often stock a variety of foods sourced from countries across the globe.
This
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 essay argues that the development of the
market
Use synonyms
 system is a beneficial thing for people to fulfil their needs and satisfaction related to food. One significant impact
for
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of
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 either exporting or importing cuisine from or to other regions is the enrichment of nutrition sources that are different from local
agriculture
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agricultural
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 produce.
This
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 movement
also
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 opens the accessibility of
market
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 sharing that leads to promoting the cultural identity of each country.
For instance
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, Indonesia has one of the famous ingredient food called tempe/tempeh which comes from fermented soybeans.
This
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 food contains not only macronutrients
such
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 as protein but
also
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 a lot of other micronutrients that
Add a missing verb
are beneficially
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beneficially
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beneficial
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good
Correct word choice
apply
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for health. The government can help the soybean farmer not only to overcome their financial struggles by supporting them to mass-produce and export the product but
also
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 improve the national capital through the activities.
On the other hand
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, South Korea has a traditional cuisine namely Kimchi which is made from fermented vegetables that are
also
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 rich in flavour and nutrients that other people from abroad can buy easily through their supermarket. ​
However
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, exporting or importing can face a negative impact if the policymakers cannot supervise and control in a good way.
For example
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, in Indonesia, if the government does not support the farmer with a good of production material
then
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 they cannot produce the tempe and it will ruin the demand in the
market
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. ​In conclusion, I personally agree that these
market
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development
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developments
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 bring many benefits to consumers and governments even though there is
also
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 a potential risk
to have
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of having
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 a negative impact.

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task achievement
Ensure the essay stays on topic and addresses all parts of the task effectively. The essay highlights both positive and negative aspects of global food trade, which is great, but include a few more points to substantiate your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas, ensuring each paragraph logically leads to the next. The essay occasionally jumps between ideas without clear connections.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs to enhance cohesion. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
introduction/conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the topic and summarizing the stance taken.
relevant examples
Relevant examples from Indonesia and South Korea are effectively used to illustrate points, showing a good understanding of the topic.
supported main points
The essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the positive impacts of global food trade, such as increasing nutritional diversity and promoting cultural identity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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