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Band 5.5

Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #factors
Today
money
 is playing a pivotal role in accumulating everything a person can imagine. The more you earn, the better it is. Many people believe that our
happiness
 depends on how much
money
 we have. Whereas, others think that
money
 cannot buy
happiness
.
However
, I believe that
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
 every happy moment is somehow connected with the
money
. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
money
 alone cannot buy
happiness
, there are some other more important factors. People are connected to each other through emotions, and emotions can not be traded. Every individual requires an adequate supply to survive, irrespective the cost of the plate. People who are not having more
money
 but have a belly full of meals certainly get a sound sleep. But,
on the contrary
, people with big empires had to take sleeping pills. Creating wealth and
money
 consumes time which has its own limitation. People think that once they earn enough, they may live happily. Rather they get more occupied and busy and
instead
Add the preposition
of
show examples
getting
happiness
, gets more and more involved to earn
money
.
This
 in turn deteriorates their health. As a saying that sound mind lives in a sound body and that only a healthy person can enjoy real
happiness
.
Moreover
, the greed to earn more
money
 keeps people away from their families. The quality of life has taken place for quality of time with family. In conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
I think that acquiring
money
 and finding
happiness
 are two different things.
Happiness
 is not a commodity which can be bought with
money
. It is something which can be felt unless materialistic which has a certain price tag.
Submitted by sscnwrldc on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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