IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?

It is true
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
 want to
work
Use synonyms
 in cities
instead
Linking Words
 of rural
areas
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.
Some
Change preposition
In some
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 poor
areas
Use synonyms
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 are not enough
doctors
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some
doctors
Use synonyms
 are going to poor
areas
Use synonyms
 as a 'volunteer'
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means most
of
Change preposition
apply
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doctors
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 do not want to
work
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 in those
areas
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. There are several reasons for that.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the problem and
solutions
Correct pronoun usage
its solutions
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
in the poor
areas
Use synonyms
, there
are
Verb problem
is are
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 lack of facilites of medical
stuffs
Check wording
facilities
show examples
 and the circumstances are not clean enough.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
doctors
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 are very hard to
sugery
Correct your spelling
find
 in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
areas
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. To solve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 problems, the
government
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's role is very important. The
government
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 can provide some
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 means it is
more easy
Correct word choice
easier
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 to
cure
Verb problem
treat
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with medical tools.
Also
Linking Words
, they can offer
the
Correct article usage
an
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 extra
wage
Use synonyms
 for rural
worked
Verb problem
apply
show examples
doctors
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.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 in South Korea, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a system for
doctors
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. If
doctors
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 are working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, they can earn
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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 money over 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their
Use synonyms
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 can encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 outside of cities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, basically, there are not enough
populations
Check wording
people
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 in rural
areas
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.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is not good for investing
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
government
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. It is reasonable
for
Change preposition
to
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 make hospitals and provide tools with
enough
Correct article usage
an enough
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 population.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should make local
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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 which is good for
move
Replace the word
moving
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 to rural
areas
Use synonyms
. It can be helpful not only
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doctors
Change preposition
to doctors
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, but
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
 in the
areas
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. If
people
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 move to
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 area, the local
will
Check wording
area will
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 be improved naturally.
For instance
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, the developed
villiages
Correct your spelling
villages
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 became
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
doctors
Use synonyms
 are
easy
Correct word choice
able
show examples
 to cure
people
Use synonyms
 with improved
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should offer extra
Use synonyms
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 and local policy for
doctors
Use synonyms
. The extra
wage
Use synonyms
 can encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the local policy can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local development. The two solutions can
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
 synergy between
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the villiage
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villiage
Correct your spelling
village
.

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language editing
Use simple, clear word only. Fix big grammar errors and odd spell. Make the result easy to read.
structure
Plan your essay before you write. Use 4 parts: intro, 2 body parts on causes and fixes, and a short conclusion. Begin each part with a clear topic sentence.
content
Give more proof for each point. The Korea example helps, add 1 more real example or explain more how the fix works.
lexical
Keep words right. Some wrong form or wrong word is used, like 'stuffs', 'facility', 'volunteer'. Use the right form: facilities, surgery, doctors who work in rural areas, not 'volunteer' as a job word.
task response
Clear aim and a good plan to talk about why doctors go to towns and how to fix this.
coherence
The essay has a strong frame: intro, body parts, and conclusion.
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