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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more companies are willing to view graduates of online universities on an equal level as those who attended brick-and-mortar classrooms. Discuss the advantages of both styles of learning as it relates to the working world.

#companies #graduates #universities #level #classrooms #styles #world
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The number of virtual classes is getting higher each year. In
this
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 scenario, employers are giving almost the same credibility to online students as they give to those who have face-to-face education. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the positive side of both methodologies focusing on the business environment. Digital universities demand more discipline from their students.
That is
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 because it is easier to don’t follow the orientations which might put the graduates in trouble.
For example
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, at home, the student has to be strict to not lose track of time in the morning and
also
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 not lose focus
with
Change preposition
on
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 social media or even domestic activities.
As a result
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 of these possible situations, the virtual graduate gains a bigger sense of responsibility than the regular ones, which can be a plus in a business environment.
On the other hand
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, learners who have to go to the
universities’
Change noun form
universities
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 buildings are more likely to develop social skills. That happens because they are always interacting with other people. To illustrate that, they make group dynamics,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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construct networks and
also
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 build solid relationships with professors and classmates, even during break times. These kinds of situations help to improve capacities
such
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 as leadership and oral presentation,
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also
Rephrase
as well as
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,
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 abilities to be a good employee. In conclusion, both ways of learning have advantages.
Study
Wrong verb form
Studying
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 from home shows the capability of a graduate to overcome little daily challenges and still be responsible and a good professional.
However
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, having physical interactions with other students or
college’
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college
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 staff can turn the student into an influential arm inside a company.
Submitted by agenciabrushup on

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coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to make the writing more engaging. Currently, many sentences are short and simple.
task achievement
While your essay comprehensively discusses the advantages of both learning methodologies, consider incorporating potential challenges to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced your essay's purpose and provided a clear conclusion that ties back to the introduction.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing the advantages of both online and traditional learning in the context of the working world.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate how online learning fosters responsibility and traditional learning enhances social skills.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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