IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Most Countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however others think social value is lost as a result .Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #value
People often argue that a great
country
 should concentrate on their economic development, while others think it can cause disappear on personal
value
. It is believed that a strong financial ability seems can help a
country
 development, I do believe that personal
value
 should not be abandoned . It is true that a
grest
Correct your spelling
great
 economic systems can bring many benefits, from living standard to welfare, to a
country
. Take an example of Australia, the citizen would never to worry
Verify preposition usage
about
show examples
the expenses on child care or school tuitions. The government of Australia paid the rest of
espenses
Correct your spelling
expenses
responses
 from birth to their
18 year
Add a hyphen
18-year
show examples
 ages. It is because the government is working on
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 their economic system, by providing essential products to other countries.
Moreover
, elder people can have
grest
Correct your spelling
great
life
 from
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
government support after retirement.
Therefore
, having
a great economic systems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great economic system
great economic systems
show examples
 can bring more benefit to all the citizens.
However
, as a
country
is concentrate
Change the verb form
is concentrating
is concentrated
show examples
 on earning money, which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several negative
implcations
Correct your spelling
implications
 to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society. It is believed that capitalism will be the main purpose for every
residents
Change to a singular noun
resident
show examples
. Social status
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important goal
to
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 every individual. It can lead to mental problems, in order to gain higher financial condition, people would never
statisfied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 of their social status. They are living in a competitive and
presureness
Correct your spelling
pressureless
 of daily
life
. In terms of
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
life
, social
value
 is
also
 important to improve
i
Add an article
an
show examples
ndividual's abilities. In conclusion, it is important that personal
value
 is
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 that how we deal with
d
Add an article
a
show examples
ifficult situation and stay in a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
life
.
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 economic
improvenment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 is important to a
country
, I do
believed
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that negative result should be
considerated
Correct your spelling
considered
.
Submitted by Christy's Kitchen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: