You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents, In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #job #person #time #australia

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you about your recent advertisement in the magazine for someone to look after your child from March to September. I should let you know I was looking for an apropos career, child care category

in particular

, for several months. I am always passionate about working with kids. To explain more about myself, I am a professional child

care giver

Correct your spelling

caregiver

show examples

due to

my related

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

background.

Moreover

, I have had the experience of working in a kindergarten for five years. I should

also

mention that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

I will manage to create a positive relationship with the young people. I believe that spending six months in Australia is a

grandeur

Replace the word

grand

show examples

opportunity for me.

Consequently

, I can use my free time not only to polish my skills in English speaking but

also

to become familiar with the

Australian's

Change noun form

Australian

show examples

culture. Please feel free if you require

further

information. Yours faithfully Ali

Submitted by ali on Sat Jan 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

Vary your sentence structure and use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Structuring your letter into clear paragraphs will enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain coherence.

task achievement

Elaborate more on why you are interested in the job and provide specific examples of your suitability.

task achievement

Maintain a consistent and appropriate tone throughout your letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

Dear + name
Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

154 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Childcare, Nurturing, Patience, Creativity, Early childhood development
Babysitting, Au pair, Engaging, Responsible, Enthusiastic
Safety, Trustworthy, Adaptability, Proactive, Cultural exchange
Activities, Educational games, Language skills, Exploring
Volunteering, Community involvement, Australian culture
Flexibility, Personal traits, Schedule, Enrichment

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