IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that non-academic subjects at school should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 do not help you in any way in the future and believe that non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look into why I think non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 are equally important as academic
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, extra-curricular activities are important for
holistic
Correct article usage
the holistic
show examples
 development of a child,
this
Linking Words
 helps one in building their personality, being social and making friends, which could improve one's mental well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, taking part in my school's TEDx club has made me more confident and social. Non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 like art bring out the creativity in children
whereas
Linking Words
 sports teach them the value of teamwork and sportsmanship
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 encouraging them to stay active.
Lastly
Linking Words
, having non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 is another way of having a break, which can help prevent
students
Use synonyms
 from burning out and feeling exhausted.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
subjects
Use synonyms
 like mathematics and physics which require critical thinking can make
students
Use synonyms
 feel burnt out very often if made to study consecutively
whereas
Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
 like arts and sports help
students
Use synonyms
 relax and can make them more productive
while
Linking Words
 studying.
For example
Linking Words
, studying for more than 3 hours consecutively makes me feel exhausted after which I can not understand anything.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that having non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 is just as important as having academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 as they can lead towards a more holistic development which is more useful in the future. I think schools should be encouraged to give their
students
Use synonyms
 non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 as well.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but it would be beneficial to further develop some of your points. For instance, you could provide more specific examples or elaborate on how non-academic subjects can lead to better career opportunities. This would strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and flows well, consider using linking phrases to further improve the coherence. For example, instead of just saying 'Firstly,' you could say, 'Firstly, one important reason is that.' This helps guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively presents the main argument and sets the stage for the essay. This makes your essay engaging from the very beginning.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant specific examples to support your points, such as your experience with the school's TEDx club. This adds authenticity and credibility to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces your stance. It leaves a strong, memorable impression on the reader.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: