IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The news media is a reliable source of unbiased information.

#news #media #source #information
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I completely disagree that the
media
 is a trustworthy source of information.
To begin
 with, the number of
media
 companies is so immense that competition is unavoidable between them.
This
 is especially true when it is in the case of minor companies. Their resources are categorically insufficient as compared to major firms, and the simplest way to make big profits is by drawing more people with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sensational
headline
Fix the agreement mistake
headlines
show examples
 and content.
For instance
, a
news
 coverage whose title was ‘A popular member of a boy band seriously injured from stabbing rampage’ was posted on the website in Korea. It spread out rapidly on social
media
, and celebrity fans were concerned about him a lot. But people who opened the
news
 page could find that the person who actually hurt was a woman who was working on the site. On top of that, the pace of dissemination of nasty issues is faster than positive ones. There is a study which measures the speed of diffusion of good
news
such
 as a donation of a celebrity and bad
news
 regarding gun violence or drug issues done by pop stars. The former spread much more rapidly than the latter.
This
 can illustrate why
media
 firms try their best to make up the most provocative headlines and to fabricate the story. It can raise hits not only by instant access of someone who encounters a shared
news
 coverage on social
media
 or visits a certain portal site but
also
 by others that heard of quickly spread rumors. The figure of views is directly proportional to the amount of money that companies can earn, so they tend to produce increasingly sensational reports recently.

It is clear that
 the
news
media
 is unreliable because of their falsified and biased reports.
This
 can be a serious problem as objectivity and fairness is the first thing to which the press has to adhere.
Submitted by djsnen813 on

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task response
Your essay presents a clear argument disagreeing with the statement about the reliability of the news media, which is commendable. However, the response is not fully developed in all parts. In an IELTS essay, it is crucial to present a balanced view or clearly state that the essay will focus on one side of the argument, then consistently maintain this stance throughout. Expanding on opposing viewpoints, even if to refute them, can provide a more complete response and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits some organization in the presentation of ideas. However, the logical flow can be enhanced through better use of cohesive devices and paragraph structure. It is important to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and be in consultation with others. Making use of a range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, additionally, however) can improve the coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are usually supported with examples, but the logical development of ideas within paragraphs can be improved. Each example should be clearly linked to the argument you are making in the paragraph. Additionally, it is helpful to spend some time explaining the significance of each example and how it relates to the topic at hand to ensure that the examiner understands the point you are trying to make. Careful development of your ideas would strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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