IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children? Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

#amount #time #sport #exercise #schools #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The volume of
time
 spend on sports and fitness should be improved in
schools
.
This
 will help resolve issues related to obesity in children's. In order to resolve
this
 problem,
schools
 can do a lot many things including
i
Add an article
an
the
show examples
ncrease in the span of
time
 devoted
in
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
 sports and exercise.
This
 essay will share insights about tackling
this
 problem with all the possible solutions.
Schools
 these days are giving loads of assignments to students which leaves them with no
time
 to do outdoor activities and stay fit rather than devoting their
time
 towards studies only. A Survey conducted in CMS Lucknow
schools
 has shown that 43%
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
students are suffering from overweight as they are not exercising or playing outdoor games because of the
time
 constraints. I would like to state some solutions to
this
 problem apart from the one mentioned above. 1. Limited work pressure - Children's should be given limited homework which shall help them manage their daily routine effectively. So that they can spend
time
 at leisure playing sports and doing other activities which will keep them fit. 2. Extracurricular activities -
Schools
 should organise extra curriculum
time
 table in daily routine which will help them socialize and keep them moving.
This
 will keep them socially active and press them to stay fit and healthy.
Lastly
, I would like to conclude by saying that children's should be assessed basis weight and help them individually as required.
Submitted by zain7086 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: