Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it?

#studies #children #time #tv #case #measures #methods

Undeniably, entertainment

today's

Change preposition

for today's

show examples

generation is more enticing than before, it could make the kids stay longer sitting

then

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

, than going outside to play. In

this

situation,we will discuss what is the cause of

this

Firstly

, as we reminisced the history of our childhood, we could say it was the best childhood ever, especially

those

Change preposition

for those

show examples

who were born in the '90s. We could spend our time playing games along the roads and allow ourselves to get wet when

rain

Correct article usage

the rain

show examples

keeps pouring.

Also

, we loved to hang out with friends,

Correct word choice

and do

show examples

some silly things,

moreover

, we

are enjoying

Wrong verb form

enjoyed

show examples

each company.

For example

, when I was a kid, I was satisfied with having a simple life, no electricity, water near to us,

expensive

Correct word choice

or expensive

show examples

toys or gadgets,

nevertheless

Add a comma

nevertheless,

show examples

enjoy

Wrong verb form

enjoyed

show examples

each other because we

have

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

friends to play with.

Secondly

, children find happiness in material things, they could stay overnight watching their favourite shows just to laugh, they don't want to play with other kids.

Therefore

, many of them

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

less on outdoor games.

Also

, it could lead to illness and

another sickness

Fix the agreement mistake

other sicknesses

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as they were exposed

with

Change preposition

show examples

too much radiation and

not

Add a missing verb

did not

show examples

having

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise. Apparently, we could encourage youngsters to be involved and be an active participant in sport.

For instance

, their parents will motivate them to be in a sports centre or camps that could help them to do physical activities.

Furthermore

, parents and teachers have a big responsibility

for

Change preposition

show examples

the kids, they are the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

who can tell them what to do and let them participate in physical

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

. In conclusion, as parents or adults, we will be an example to the young generation nowadays and tell them how important to be active and

meeting

Wrong verb form

meet

show examples

friends outside.

Submitted by abaloraemie on Mon Jan 11 2021

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task response

The essay needs to be more focused on the task question and fully address all aspects of the prompt.

coherence and cohesion

There is a need for more logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion. Connect ideas in a more coherent manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

287 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Solar energy is becoming more and more popular as a source of household energy in many countries around the world. Why does it happen? Is it a positive or negative development?

In some countries, university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The use of violence in music lyrics, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people?