IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion.

Population
Use synonyms
 management has been a reason for concern
since
Change preposition
for
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 ages. These days rise in the
Use synonyms
life-span
Use the right word
life span
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 of living beings can be evidently observed in various nations. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 development can create a major disturbance in the living cycle of the world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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thus
Linking Words
, the demerits of
this
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 development will far outweigh the merits. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both sides so as to showcase a clearer projection. On the one hand, it gives personal happiness by providing the opportunity to live longer and spend more
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 with loved ones.
In addition
Linking Words
, with raised
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 obtain more time to enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 with their friends and family.
For instance
Linking Words
, my grandmother is 90 years old and she wishes to live a few more years to see her grandchildren.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the chance to live more brings hope and happiness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, an increase in the
life
Use synonyms
 span of living can lead to a soaring
population
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 issue.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the increase in the living period, the death rates will decrease
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it will
therefore
Linking Words
 create an imbalance in the
life
Use synonyms
 cycle of the
livings
Fix the agreement mistake
living
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including
Punctuation problem
, including
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 and various other species. To illustrate, millions of infants are born every minute
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 so
it
Use the right word
is
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 the figure for people
dieing
Correct your spelling
dying
.
However
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, if the ratio of demises decreases, the
population
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 of living beings will automatically rise.
Consequently
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,
creating
Wrong verb form
it creates
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uncontrollable
Correct article usage
an uncontrollable
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population
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 increasing
life
Use synonyms
expectance
Use the right word
expectancy
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 can bring personal joy, it can
also
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 give rise to a serious issue of uncontrollable
population
Use synonyms
.

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content
Be clear with your view at once and keep it in every part of the essay.
content
Give more detail to each idea and use facts or clean examples.
coherence
Use better links to move from one point to the next.
language
Check facts and avoid wrong claims. Pick small true ideas.
structure
Use a simple limit of long phrases; keep sentences short and clear.
structure
Basic plan with intro, body, and end.
content
A stance is shown and supported.
content
A personal example is used to back a point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • demographics
  • societal development
  • healthcare system
  • pension funds
  • multigenerational
  • workforce
  • economic sustainability
  • intergenerational inequality
  • longevity
  • proactive policy
  • geriatrics
  • senior citizens
  • ageing population
  • fertility rates
  • dependency ratio
What to do next:
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