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Band 7

Some people think that the development of technology has made our life more complex, and the solution is to live a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #development #technology #life
Due to
 the advent of
technology
, our lives have undergone a drastic change. Life, at present, has become much more comfortable, easy, and dynamic than in the past.
While
 I agree that life has been more complicated since the revolution in
technology
, I could not imagine how our lives could be without it. On the one hand, some drawbacks could be seen in the era of
technology
. First and foremost, it is associated with a sedentary lifestyle. To be more specific, nowadays, young
people
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer to spend more time on technological equipment rather than do outdoor activities, which is associated with an increase in the number of
people
 suffering from obesity or eye problems.
Additionally
, sophisticated machines and artificial intelligence have replaced the role of humans in the industry in recent years.
As a result
, many workers become unemployed, which leads to a significant burden on the government for dealing with public problems.
On the other hand
,
technology
 brings various advantages to human beings.
First,
it connects
people
 all over the world. In fact, thanks to the invention of high-tech gadgets
such
 as computers or smartphones,
people
 now can communicate with each other
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 than ever before.
Furthermore
, the Internet enables
people
 to get access to online classes independent of their geographical locations, which is very useful for rural students.
Last
 but not least, smart home appliances make women free from house chores;
therefore
, they could spend more time on their private work
as well as
 their family. In conclusion, simplifying by removing
technology
 will make our lives more and more complex.
Instead
, we need to find a solution to maximize the benefits of
technology
while
 minimizing its harmful effects.
Submitted by dinhvyhanh on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to introduce the main point more effectively. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea you will discuss.
Task Achievement
You presented relevant ideas and examples, but some could be developed further. Including more detailed and specific examples can help illustrate your arguments better and push your score higher.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the complexity of your sentences by varying sentence structures and using a range of conjunctions. This will improve the logical flow and connectivity of your ideas, demonstrating a higher level of language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Information overload
  • Social media
  • Decision fatigue
  • Paradox of choice
  • Efficiency
  • Healthcare advancements
  • Quality of life
  • Global connectivity
  • Digital divide
  • Selective usage
  • Unnecessary complexity
  • Simpler lifestyle
  • Integrate
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