IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, the tech revolution has made the
internet
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 a double-edged sword. Some
users
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 see it as an intrusive tool for their
privacy
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,
while
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 others contend its' benefits exceed those personal issues. I think that the
internet
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 has served humanity in many good ways,
although
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 it has some drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, I will rely on some studies and personal experiences to highlight the benefits of the
Internet
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.
Firstly
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, the
internet
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 has helped us in all parts of our lives,
such
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 as education, medicine, socialisation, employment, travel, communication, and many other fields.
This
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 variety has led humanity to a better quality of life and made our lives much easier.
In addition
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 to
this
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, a statistical study conducted at Oxford University on 300 individuals who depend on the
Internet
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 for only 50% of their activities revealed that 229 of them have improved their life quality by 70%.
Furthermore
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, technology nowadays has developed to a level where all
users
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 can control their
privacy
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 options. All virtual platforms, including social media, educational, entertaining, and financial platforms have given their
users
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 total authority over their
privacy
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 and security permissions, so
users
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 can control and be responsible for what others can reach of their own content.
For instance
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, two years ago, when my mother downloaded the Facebook app on her phone, she came to me and said, Why are there strange people interacting in my profile and on my posts? When I checked on her
privacy
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 settings, I found out that she made her account a public one, so I changed it to a private one and controlled who was allowed to see her posts, interact with them, and even who can send her a friend request.
To conclude
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, I would like to state that the
internet
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 can be either dangerous or beneficial, it's the way we use it that decides how it will impact our lives and how much it can penetrate our
privacy
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. But in general,
such
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 a tool is definitely one of the most significant inventions humanity has made.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet in an equal manner. This will ensure a more complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
Try to develop your points in more detail. For example, you could explain more specifically how the internet improves quality of life in various fields.
coherence cohesion
Organize your main points more logically. For example, discuss the benefits in one paragraph and then the control and security issues in another. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your transitions between ideas are clear and smooth. Linking words and phrases can help in making your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your main argument, making it easy for the reader to understand your position.
task achievement
You provide a strong personal anecdote to support your argument about privacy control, which makes your essay engaging and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your thesis, bringing a cohesive end to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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