People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Here is a controversial issue that why the public should remain
health
condition. Some
people
argue about
this
issue that
people
should be healthy for personal advantages, not
Add an article
a

The noun phrase personal duty seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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p
ersonal duty on their society. Personally, I agree
that is
for individual benefits which related personal financial problem and their own achievement. In
this
essay, I will elaborate on those arguments.
To begin
with,
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a
the

It appears that an article is missing before the word personal. Consider adding the article.

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p
ersonal finance situation obviously demonstrates why keeping healthy is
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a

It appears that the article the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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the
personal matter. Generally, according to advances in medical technology, most
people
could take a surgery from a professional doctor, whereas its costs would be extremely expensive. So, to save their money,
people
have to exercise with the appropriate activities.
For example
, obesity which one of the most popular diseases among adults would afford various complications, but it could prevent with the proper exercises.
Therefore
, it is convincing that
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a

It appears that an article is missing before the word personal. Consider adding the article.

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p
ersonal
health
problem is very related to
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apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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the
personal finance so that the public does not need to concern about
that is
the citizen’s duty. Meanwhile,
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the
a

The noun phrase personal goal seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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p
ersonal goal
also
clearly explains the issue at hand.
That is
because, if someone could not finish the tasks until the deadline because of illness,
this
phenomenon is not affected
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by

It appears that the preposition on may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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on
the society.
In other words
,
for instance
, a soccer player, who
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has

The verb have does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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have
an ankle problem, had to give up his goal in which wants to be an international soccer player.
Hence
, most
people
tend to maintain
health
condition for reaching their own goals. As shown
Verify preposition usage
in

It appears that the preposition as may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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as
the given cases, I am in
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favour

The spelling of favor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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favor
of that healthy accompanies personal advantages. In conclusion, as
first
glance, it may seem like the public has to keep their
health
due to the citizen’s duty.
However
, it is more likely to maintain for saving individual money and for personal purpose.
Thus
, I feel that the government should exactly implement public advertising the reason why citizens have to keep
health

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