IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

We should ban all the advertisements aimed at children due to some negative effects. Agree or disagree?

#ban #advertisements #children #effects
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Nowadays, with the expansion of communication, a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
advertisements
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,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for
children
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. It is suggested that
advertisements
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 which target
at
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited because of their negative effects. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
advertisements
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 can trigger negative influences, I believe it should not be banned.
First
Linking Words
 of all, commercials aimed at
children
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 make
r
Add an article
the
a
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elationship between parents and
children
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 become worse.
Children
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 are attracted easily by visual,
colors
Change the spelling
colours
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,
c
Add an article
the
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oncept of advertising and more likely to
itimate
Correct your spelling
intimate
time
estimate
.
Notion
Add an article
The notion
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 of some
advertisements
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 is violent and
children
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 will tend to become cruelty. Many companies use their
maketing
Correct your spelling
marketing
 strategies to promote
about
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apply
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their fast
food
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 or junk
food
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 to
children
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 with healthy visualization.
Children
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 may be obese if they overeat
these
Change the determiner
this food
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food
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
advertisements
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 target
at
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 parents many choices when they have to something for their
children
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. As an illustration
Add a comma
,
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this
Linking Words
, if they want to buy
food
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 or toys, they can refer
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to
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some commercial products and consider to purchase.
In addition
Linking Words
, In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 advertisement which
target
Change the verb form
targets
show examples
at
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 have many negative effects
such
Linking Words
 as impact health or temperament of
children
Use synonyms
, we should not forbid it completely
Submitted by hnam7458 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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