IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

We should ban all the advertisements aimed at children due to some negative effects. Agree or disagree?

#ban #advertisements #children #effects
Nowadays, with the expansion of communication, a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
advertisements
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 for
children
. It is suggested that
advertisements
 which target
at
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
children
 should be prohibited because of their negative effects. In my opinion,
although
advertisements
 can trigger negative influences, I believe it should not be banned.
First
 of all, commercials aimed at
children
 make
r
Add an article
the
a
show examples
elationship between parents and
children
 become worse.
Children
 are attracted easily by visual,
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
,
c
Add an article
the
show examples
oncept of advertising and more likely to
itimate
Correct your spelling
intimate
time
estimate
.
Notion
Add an article
The notion
show examples
 of some
advertisements
 is violent and
children
 will tend to become cruelty. Many companies use their
maketing
Correct your spelling
marketing
 strategies to promote
about
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
their fast
food
 or junk
food
 to
children
 with healthy visualization.
Children
 may be obese if they overeat
these
Change the determiner
this food
show examples
food
.
However
,
advertisements
 target
at
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
children
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 parents many choices when they have to something for their
children
. As an illustration
Add a comma
,
show examples
this
, if they want to buy
food
 or toys, they can refer
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
some commercial products and consider to purchase.
In addition
, In conclusion,
although
 advertisement which
target
Change the verb form
targets
show examples
at
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
children
 have many negative effects
such
 as impact health or temperament of
children
, we should not forbid it completely
Submitted by hnam7458 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: