Some believe in enrolling their children into the best schools so that they learn to socialize while others believe that homeschooling is a better option.

It is argued by some individuals that pupils should be admitted in the best available schools for their social, moral and academic growth while others believe that homeschooling is a much better option to encourage the creativity of the
students
as traditional
education
Change the article
the

It appears that the phrase only emphasis does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

show examples
o
nly emphasis on marks and grades.
Thus
, I am in complete agreement that homeschooling is way better than traditional schooling.
This
essay discusses in the detail both the views with valid reasons and suitable examples.
To begin
with, schools are the best medium to engage the
students
in
education
as they get a suitable environment for the study.
Moreover
, they are surrounded by their fellow schoolmates which encourage them to indulge more into
education
.
Additionally
, schools organize many extracurricular activities which helps them to express their artistry.
For instance
, as per the results of the central board
education
, 80% of
students
secured the
first
division while only 50% of
students
able to secure the
first
division who enrolled themselves in homeschooling.
However
, homeschooling has its own benefits. Real-life is more than the marks and the grades, it required the practical knowledge to survive in
this
cruel world.
Thus
, it is more important to make
students
employable
instead
of just making them graduated.
In addition
to
this
, the traditional
education
system is playing into the hands of crony capitalists so they are more into making money from the
students
instead
of guiding them to make them saleable to
this
practical world.
For example
, as per the data from the national unemployment register, more than 80% of engineering graduated doesn't have skills
Delete the pronoun
apply

The pronoun which may be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

show examples
which
required in the software market.
Thus
, I am in total agreement that homeschooling is a better option for the overall growth of children. To conclude,
However
,traditional schooling giving an educational environment to the pupils but it kills their creativity.
Thus
, in my opinion, homeschooling is a better way to educate the
students
on the subjects of their interests which ultimately helps them to make them saleable in
this
cruel world.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users