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Band 4.5

In many countries art galleries visitors have been declining steadily. What are the possible reasons? How to change this trend?

#countries #art #galleries #visitors #change #trend
In today’s modern world, it is obvious that there are several
art
galleries
 around the world.
However
, it seems that the number of
art
 visitors appears to be decreasing day by day. There are a couple of reasons behind
this
 issue some of which are
people
 might not have enough time for visiting the
galleries
 and the second is the high cost of entries. We can consider two appropriate ways to solve
this
 problem allocating a lot more money to
artists
 and offering them free admission. First of all, many
people
 are of the opinion that they have to work for many hours in order to meet their needs. It is a well-known fact that working
people
 are likely to be tired at
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 end of the workday and
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they probably opt to stay at home and spend their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 with families on the weekends.
On the other hand
,
ıf
Correct your spelling
if
 they decide to visit any
art
galleries
, they encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the inconvenient price of tickets to enter these places.
Secondly
, governments should take some serious steps to attract public
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in the arts.
Moreover
, it makes sense to give more money to
artists
 so as to improve their abilities. As the number of skilled
artists
 increases, the quality of
art
 increases as well. Another feasible way to persuade individuals to visit the
galleries
 is that the government should reduce the entrance fee for everybody.
To conclude
,
people
 do not have enough time to visit exhibitions and they have to pay for them.
Additionally
, the
artists
 should be funded by the government and tickets should be free to all.
Submitted by Muzeyyen on

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coherence cohesion
The essay displays a basic logical structure but lacks a strong paragraph division and clear progression of ideas. Consider using distinct paragraphs and topic sentences for clear articulation of main points
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, yet they are not fully developed. The introduction should more explicitly introduce the topic, and the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned but not fully supported with well-developed explanations or examples. Expand on these points with more detailed arguments, evidence, or illustrations to strengthen the analysis.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the prompt, but the ideas are somewhat general and need further development. Focus on addressing all parts of the task in a more detailed manner with clear, comprehensive ideas for a higher score.
task achievement
The ideas related to the decline in art gallery visitors and potential solutions are relevant, but they lack specificity. Include concrete examples or data to support the arguments for a stronger task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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