IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

There are more new towns nowadays, it is more important to include public parks and sports for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#towns #parks #sports #individuals #time
Nowadays,
c
Add an article
the
show examples
itizen's lifestyle has worsened due to the lack of appropriate places to spend their spare time individually. Some
people
 argue that the new urban cities should contain public
parks
 and physical facilities for the
residents
' rest. Personally, I agree with
this
 argument due to regarding
of
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
the citizens’ situation. Following are the reasons.
To begin
 with, the lack of public
parks
 in the new towns obviously demonstrates why the relevant constructors need to concern about involving the relaxing
areas
. It is noteworthy that most
residents
 are suffering from stress because of plenty of buildings and severe traffic congestions.
In other words
, the public does not have enough public
parks
 to reduce their stress.
Therefore
, to release the public's mental instability, it is more likely to have
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
relaxing
areas
 where
people
 could walk with their peers during
lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
 or could read some books with fresh air.
Therefore
,
such
 bits of relaxation would improve their quality of lives. On top of that, the insufficient physical exercises of the
residents
 have been
also
 controversial around the cities so that the government should implement to build public activity facilities.
That is
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 modern
people
 are inclined to work for a long time so the public could not try various physical activities
such
 as extreme sports.
Hence
, the relevant administrations should afford sports
areas
 in the middle of the city where could lead the
residents
 to join the light exercises. As shown, for those reasons, the public can receive proper rest places for their mentality and healthy condition if the government implement these ideas. As
first
 glance, it may seem like wasteful to make public
parks
 and sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, but for the public's health
Add a comma
,
show examples
the government should provide these benefits
areas
.
Thus
, I feel that it is convincing that if
people
 guarantee these
areas
, they will have a better lifestyle than before.
Submitted by kooji6856 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: