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Band 4.5

When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eating together is important to people in your country?

#families #activity #people #country
When a group of people gather together it is already a social activity.
Therefore
, a
home
 that eats at the same
time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the table is essential in my country.
Firstly
, a house without a family is not a
home
, and each household should have a meal together, not a single person would eat if not all of them
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 at
home
,
everyone
Correct word choice
and everyone
show examples
 must wait before eating.
For instance
, in my country, we eat three times a day, and every meal we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
eat our food together as a family because we value the essence of unity and it's our culture to leave no one behind.
Secondly
, it is important to build a relationship, especially among siblings and parents.
For example
, statistics say that nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 intimate relationship with their children but they can change that by doing things, like during dinner, they could ask how's there day
, like
Add a missing verb
is, like
show examples
 work or school, through that, they could know what is happening inside and outside of their
home
. They could spend a lot of
time
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their friends but they could make
time
 for their family.
However
, in
this
 world today, generations change.
Time
 runs so fast and everyone
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 too much and
neglect
Correct subject-verb agreement
neglects
show examples
 the opportunity to make
time
 for their kids, husband and wife. People kept themselves busy just to earn money and forget their
home
. In conclusion, what matters most in
this
 world are those people who
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 stick with you,
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 you are in your ups and downs in life and that's your family, so make
time
 for them by spending your
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 with your
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones.
Submitted by abaloraemie on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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